Tuesday, October 13, 2020Read the rest of this entry
I had a dream last night that not only were we dealing with the pandemic, but nazis too. Then I woke up and couldn’t get back to sleep because I realized it wasn’t all that far off from reality. A few years ago, I thought the one thing everyone could agree on was that nazis were bad.
I don’t understand how racism and mask wearing became partisan issues. To me, we’re taking the very basics of being a decent human being here. I just don’t get it.
This hasn’t been the best summer, obviously. I’m glad we’re safe and healthy, I still have a job, but, 2020.
Our dryer broke a few months ago and we’re still waiting for the new one to ship. I think I wrote about the bathtub breaking and calling the emergency plumber? My car needed a new alternator and our AC flooded our basement. We’re looking to replace our water heater before that decides to explore.
Salt water from the ocean seems to have killed my fitbit as well. And my phone only charges via wireless now. My phone i can live with, but I really need a new smart watch and can’t decide if I want anther fitbit or the galaxy watch. I think either will be huge on my tiny wrists.
OK, enough negativity. Owen started virtual school last week and the first day was rough, but now he really likes it. He gets super upset when he’s not called in to share (they call on him a lot) but otherwise, he’s doing great. He still wishes it was in person, he can’t really make friends this way, but he’s making the most of it. Very proud of him. He also lost his first tooth!
He filled out a thing for gymnastics about himself and said he wants to be a police officer when he grows up. A very controversial career at the moment. He just wants to catch bad guys and make the world a better place. I hope with everything that’s started this year, we’ll create a better future where he can do just that, if he still wants to. We do tell him about what’s happening in the world. We talk about racism and how some cops aren’t good guys. I don’t know how much sticks, but we’ll keep taking too him because raising good people is our most important job.
Glenn got his MMR vaccine a couple weeks ago and was soon a pile of misery for days. He had so much trouble sleeping and eating. It’s been rough. He seems to be pretty normal now.
And then our bathtub broke and we had to call an emergency plumber.
And then this storm hit and we lost power for seven hours. We’re lucky though, a lot of people still don’t have power.
But I took Owen to the beach and he loved it. Almost as much as video games he says. So we’ll be going back next week. It’s nice to go somewhere for a change.
I bought myself this rocketbook panda planner and it’s great. I didn’t realize how badly I needed it until I got it. So much swimming around in my brain, now all down in there. Plus the gratitude stuff is a really nice way to start the day. I ask Owen what he’s grateful for too.
Glenn is talking a lot. I swear he says one or two new words a day. This morning he said “butt cream.” Can’t make this stuff up.
This week has just been awful. I keep hearing about more and more people who lost their jobs Friday. So many amazing people. They only have two weeks and we can’t even say goodbye properly. My heart breaks for them. I wish there was something I could do. I hate this so much.
I bought myself a planner because I feel like I’m all over the place. It certainly helps to keep me organized, but I have so much on my plate, I don’t think any amount of organizing can keep my stress levels down.
I made myself physically sick. I had mastitis last week. Or maybe it was trying to wean, or both. So weaning is on the back burner for now. I really gotta get to the office to pick up my pump, but probably a lot of people going there the next couple of weeks to clean out their desks. So many good people. :(
Fortunately my kids are adorable and always cheer me up, when they’re not being insane anyway. Glenn is a climber too. He’s exhausting.
It occurred to me that this website is still on my resume. Made sense when I had my portfolio here, not so much now. I should just have one big link to the Evil Squirrels video. Helped get me an offer once before.
I just came back from a morning walk with Glenn. He’s so cute, he points at everything. Bunny, squirrel, dog, bird. This morning he pointed at someone’s front steps and said, “up!”
Still, I would much rather sleep in the morning than go on these sunrise walks. The night weaning has not been going well. His attitude has been, you won’t nurse me, fine, I won’t sleep. And I can’t even give in because it hurts! I hope he gets the new routine soon. I’m so tired of being tired.
Owen graduated preschool this week :'( he saw four of his classmates at his teacher’s house on Friday, but i think it just made him sad, not being able to play with them. He’s so done with all this. I feel so bad for him. I hope school is somewhat normal in the fall. He needs to play with other kids.
Work has been pretty doom and gloomy. Everyone is deeply concerned about their jobs. Not being able to see anyone I think makes it worse too, being disconnected like that. Maryam and I received high praise for the mentoring we’re doing which made me feel mildly better. I miss my coworkers.
We’ve been bouncing quarantine away on our bounce house. Glenn learned to say yeah! Just so he can answer, do you want to go in the bounce house?
Everything else is Donald Duck. Look geese, “Donald Duck!”
His sleep has been shit. My mental health coach has been pushing me to night wean or sleep train since it seems to have the biggest effect on my mood. I read my post on night weaning Owen and took my own advice and put him to sleep without nursing at the beginning of the night. He cried for 30 minutes, but had the best night ever after that. So much so I woke up at 4:30 and couldn’t fall back asleep, so I’m watching supernatural.
The mental health coaching is free from att. I’m mostly learning to be mindful and to take time for self care. Helping me not be so cranky all the time.
We saw my parents for the first time in months last weekend. No one seems to know anymore what we’re supposed to be doing. Yes, we could stay locked in our houses forever, but I see how badly the kids need to interact with other kids. No idea what kindergarten will be like in the fall. No idea if I’ll ever go back to the office. Disney’s opening again next month, but who knows how that’ll go.
So this Corona virus has everyone losing their minds. The hysteria is way scarier than the virus itself so far. We are to work from home until further notice and schools are closing. Owen had school today, but only he and Mika were there.
I’m worried more for the folks who can’t work from home, whose jobs rely on customers, Healthcare workers. Such a mess.
Glennikins will be 11 months in a few days, so upside, I guess I’m done with pumping. He still doesn’t sleep, but maybe he’ll do better with me home.
Every year before the new year begins, I look back at past recorded years. Earlier entries have been edited for length. Current year’s at the bottom if you want to skip to that.
1. What did you do in 2019 that you’d never done before? Was a mom of 2. Worked in an open office space.
2. Did you keep your New Year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year? Last year I wanted to do some learning. I did take a reinforcement learning class during leave that I absorbed all of 1% of. I learned a lot about kubernetes and docker this year though.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth? Me! And Emily apparently.
4. Did anyone close to you die?
5. What countries did you visit?
6. What would you like to have in 2020 that you lacked in 2019? Sleep, exercise, a waistline
7. What date from 2019 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? 4/20, Glenn’s birthday
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? I got a progression, gave birth
9. What was your biggest failure? Screaming at the kids
10. Did you suffer illness or injury? The pregnancy was miserable, but worth it… still, never again
11. What was the best thing you bought? I’d say our Doula, but she didn’t cost anything. I would have paid for her if insurance didn’t though. She was awesome! Yumi baby food. Expensive, but super convenient and Glenn loves it.
14. Where did most of your money go? Groceries, Owen’s school, baby stuff
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? Baby #2!
17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
l. happier or sadder? Happier, last year was rough
ll. thinner or fatter? I was pregnant last year, but that wasn’t fat, so fatter
lll. richer or poorer? Richer
18. What do you wish you’d done more of? Sleeping
19. What do you wish you’d done less of? Yelling
20. How will you be spending Christmas? People coming here
24. What was your favorite TV program? The good place, I can’t want to see how it ends. Outlander I finished in like two weeks when I was on leave. The ending of high castle was meh, but better than Game of Thrones
26. What was the best book you read? The Book With No Pictures
28. What did you want and get? A healthy baby
29. What did you want and not get? I’m spoiled
30. What was your favorite film of this year? I still haven’t seen Toy Story 4.
31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? I turned 34 and I was so sleep deprived, I don’t remember. I think I saw my friends at some point. I ate Indian takeout with my parents.
32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? If Owen wasn’t quite such a jerk. Sorry kid, but 4 year olds man
33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2019? I’ve been obsessed with used clothes from thredUP.
34. What kept you sane? Other moms
35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
36. What political issue stirred you the most? Our mayor won by 3 votes, well it was contested so we’ll see
37. Who did you miss? Papi
38. Who was the best new person you met? Glenn
39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2019: Doulas are awesome! Open office spaces aren’t the worst.
41. Summarize 2019: ouch, baby, need sleep, work, need sleep, play
42. What are you most looking forward to next year? watching Owen and Glenn run around together. And Disney. Always Disney.
43. What were your predictions last year? I thought we would need therapy after the game of thrones finale, I dunno about that, more like anger management. I said our new office space will be shiny, but suck. It did suck at first, but now that I’m used to it, I think I might like it better. I also predicted I wouldn’t sleep, well that was spot on
44. What are your predictions for 2020? Planning this Disney trip will be extra stressful between going to CA, having two kids to schedule around, Owen’s school schedule, my dad not in the greatest shape. I predict Glenn will be an early walker. I predict I will still be breastfeeding this time next year.
I don’t remember the last time I blogged, so I guess it’s been a while. Between work and the kids I don’t get much time to do anything. I still need to finish this year’s photo book, but I have no idea when that will happen.Work has been busy, but fun. The open space isn’t as bad as I thought it would be. It’s not nearly full, so it’s not the noise isn’t that bad and it’s nice to have the treadmill desk right there and to be able to ask folks around me if I have a question. Also nice to overhear meetings the managers are having. I really miss being able to pump in my office. The pumping room is nice, but I can’t really work in there, though I have taken a few calls while pumping.I like my assignment right now. Getting to build stuff from scratch is a lot of fun. I really hate CDP, but learning about docker and kubernetes is super useful. I definitely upped my python game too.Glenn still isn’t gaining weight well. We have to take him in for monthly weigh checks. They always tell us he looks healthy and he’s probably just small like his mom and to feed him more solids. We’re feeding him more and more, but he drinks less and less milk. He doesn’t seem to be gaining weight and better and now he’s just constipated all the time.At least he likes eating. We’re doing one of these fancy baby food delivery services. I realize it’s like a thousand times cheaper to make our own, but I barely have time to shower, never mind make baby food. It’s good to have a wide variety too. As it turns out, he loves Japanese sweet potato and they don’t sell that at our ShopRite.Glenn loves Owen. He will eat four times as much if we feed him when Owen is eating. He loves playing with him and watching him jump around. It’s adorable.I’m currently in the process of registering Owen for kindergarten for next year. I still can’t believe he’s five. Time goes by too fast.