Opening reading and introduction:
i carry your heart with me(i carry it in my heart)
i am never without it
(anywhere i go you go,my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing, my darling)
i fear no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)
i want no world (for beautiful you are my world, my true)
and its you. whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you
here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;
which grows higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that’s keeping the stars apart
i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)
from the poet, ee cummings

At this bright and beautiful edge of winter, we gather as a loving community to witness to the marriage of Elissa and Bryan. Their partnership is not new, but today they start a different journey, joined as husband and wife.

Winter is a time of both exquisite simplicity and frenetic activity. Even as we are presented with a stark landscape of leafless trees and frozen rivers, we revel in the joyous celebrations of the holiday season. We feel a certain bittersweet sadness at the fading of autumn, with it’s brilliant colors and the abundant harvests. Still, we know the crisp winter air will beckon to us. The faint smell of smoke on the wind will warm us and our friends and family will celebrate with us as we go into this new year. Each day is a reminder that life surprises us; life give us exactly what we need if our hands and hearts are open to receive those gifts.

Statement of Intent

Elissa and Bryan, before you are joined together in marriage, in my presence, and in the presence of these witnesses, I will remind you of the serious and the binding nature of this relationship. The traditional rite of marriage, as most of us understand it, is the voluntary, deliberate and full commitment of two individuals to one another to become partners for a lifetime. Elissa and Bryan, have you come here freely and without reservation to enter into this marriage?

E and B “ We have! “

Celia; (Yippee!!!) Then let us begin this celebration of love and life!

Welcome to the Guests

Welcome to all today!

The beginning of a new year is such an exciting time! We look forward to revisioning our lives; moving closer to being the people that we hope to be, and there is nothing more exciting than entering into that exploration with a loving partner. Almost no human act is as hopeful, as joyous, as a wedding, for getting married is the supreme act of trust. It is at once a union and a move of independence; it takes an absolute confidence in one’s self to be able to give so fully to another. Each step taken together enhances the steps taken individually; it is quite a wonderful paradox.

Marriage is a partnership that thrives when each person gives all they can without concern of what will come back. Each partner gives love in freedom, knowing that loving well is a gift that is its own reward. It is a continuous commitment that frames even the smallest moments with gratitude.

All of you are so important to them; this day is made more meaningful because you can share it with them; to bear witness to the commitment which they have already made to each other. Many of you have traveled from far and wide to be here, and this gift of your presence is a sweeter gift than you could ever imagine. Elissa and Bryan have been inspired by so many of you, you have touched their lives and their partnership is informed and strengthened by your experiences. They have also been looking forward to having you all meet one another! As you all join together to witness this ceremony. so it is that you will continue to be joyous witnesses for Elissa and Bryan as their life together evolves.

Remembrance

There are many who cannot be here with us and we’d like to honor them as well.

Playwright Welly Yang writes, in his play, “Finding Home“,
“We are all a culmination of the people that came before us, and we’re here to finish the dreams they left unfinished.”

We include in our thoughts this afternoon, those who are here with us in spirit. Let us take a moment of silent meditation to remember them with fondness. We know they all rejoice with us. (Several seconds of silence)

Love story

There is a wonderful Chinese myth about the “red thread”. This myth tells us that when each of us is born, we are connected by invisible threads to those who will mean the most to us. As we grow older, those threads shorten until we are within arms’ distance, close enough to touch. But we don’t always know that this is happening, even as we watch and even as we hope!

Life is full of surprises and life often presents us with gifts where we never expect to find them. Whenever two people find each other, whether they are across town or around the globe , we realize that the universe, or Karma, or that red thread has worked magic.

Now, very often when I tell this story, it IS because the that red thread has spanned the globe, but this is not that story. It’s a story that includes Descartes and Gobstoppers. (Now, I’ve written a LOT of weddings, but I don’t’ think I’ve ever been able to say that before…..). It’s a thread that snaked its way through New Brunswick and ended up at Rutgers.

Bryan was working at the on campus store, and Elissa was a regular. Now, there are many regulars on campus, but she was a regular with a dark, evil habit; a driving urge that set her apart from the hundreds of other women on campus. Combined with her edgy beauty, this noticeable addiction made her stand out in the crowd. In her relentless pursuit of academic excellence, she was apparently fueled by Gobstoppers. Yes, those giant, colorfully layered jawbreakers made famous by Willy Wonka. Bryan noticed. He was intrigued.

She had noticed him too, but immediately wrote off the possibility of them getting together as sweet figment of her imagination. He seemed just too handsome to be a geek.

But a few weeks later, she checked her blog, Silvercpu and found that someone had emailed a reply to her post, an article about Descartes. She immediately began panicking because there was no return email address, and her philosophy teacher was named Brian. She looked up the Ip information to trace it, and found out that the mystery man was from New Brunswick.

Figuring that he was a college student, she facebooked him and found 73 Brians at Rutgers. Fortunately, only a few were philosophy majors, so she picked the most attractive one, sent him an email.

And he emailed her back.

It was the right Bryan! Love in the digital age; isn’t it grand!?

They chatted online. She avoided the campus store. They chatted some more. She avoided the campus store. They chatted some more.

When she got tired of waiting for him to make the first move, she decided to take things into her own hands. Then she decided to ask him out; well, over, to watch Rent, the story of a group of fledgling artists struggling to make it in spite of poverty, depression, and the obstacles of living in New York City. At some point, they decided that this was their first date, and on his bus ride home, he called one of his friends to say he’d met the perfect girl.

Their second date was just as romantic; she invited him over to help her study for her logic exam. Mind you, she didn’t need any help with logic (well, at least the exam…), but it was a good excuse to see him again. From that inauspicious beginning, they were inseparable.

After they had moved in together, they discussed getting married. It seemed like it was a natural next step in their relationship.

They had planned a trip to Disneyworld, and Elissa hinted that there was no more perfect place to propose than there! It is, after all, probably her favorite place on the planet (that was what, your 14th trip?!)

They had a fantastic time there, meeting friends and spending an inordinate amount of time stalking Minnie Mouse, Dumbo, and Goofy for photo ops. But by the second day, Elissa was starting to get a little nervous. She had been secretly going to bridal shows since March, but by October, everyone around her was starting to think that she was a little nuts…

They were getting ready to end their day, and as they watched the fireworks exploding over Epcot center, Bryan asked her to marry him. And of course, she said yes, and that is how we all got to be here today, celebrating the start of their life together, joined as husband and wife. And when you’re married you’ll be going where? Disneyworld of course!

Cara sings, “When you say nothing at all”.

The Couple

As a celebrant, I have the best job on the planet: it is a job, a calling, that gives me hope. It proves to me that there are, indeed, soul mates, and when they find each other, it is the sweetest, rarest moment; a fleeting moment to cherish and nurture.

To witness this is inspiring to all of us; it renews our commitment to our own relationships.

Bryan is tenacious, opinionated, logical. He is passionate about many things; from learning how to play drums to the social justice causes that he champions. This makes it completely impossible to win an argument with him, (even if he’s wrong..) but it makes him great fun to live with.

Elissa is smart and pragmatic and genuine. She embraces life with open arms, both the good times and the challenging, seeing the beauty in all. Her enthusiasm is really infectious; it’s no wonder everyone who meets her likes her instantly. Her healthy lifestyle has rubbed off on Bryan; they recently bought an elliptical trainer, and they actually train on it instead of using it for a clothes rack!

Anyone who knows them, and you all do, know that they are different in many ways. He loves to ski. She’s not a big fan of cold, heights, or anything that makes her fall (well, except maybe Bryan himself…. He loves football. Her, not so much. She’s a Pc, he’s an Mac. (That might be the most dramatic compromise!) But they thrive on their difference as much as all they have in common. They know that they have found in each other that unique, yet mysterious quality: that they were meant for each other; that they complement each other in ways that are not always obvious.

They have always supported each other without question and the always put each other’s needs before their own.

That is perhaps the key factor in a successful relationship and marriage; the come to this marriage as partners, as friends, as equals. It is very much a hallmark of their relationship. There is a deep sense of respect and gratitude when they speak of each other; they realize that when you find the person who supports you unconditionally, your dreams can soar, grounded by the care and concern that your partner joyously gives to you.

Eugene Kennedy writes,

“The real test of friendship is; Can you literally do nothing with the other person. Can you enjoy together those moments of life that are utterly simple? They are the moments most people look back on at the end of life and number as their most sacred experiences.”

This is so true of every couple that has a happy marriage, and it is certainly true of Elissa and Bryan. They savor the moments they get to spend together; the big ones, like today, and the small ones that happen every day; enjoying dinner together, bouncing ideas around, planning and dreaming for their future together. Every minute counts for them: every minute adds to their partnership.

Guest Reading: Helen, written by Bryan

No one should tell you what love is. It’s something each of us discovers for ourselves. All we can tell you today is what *this* love is about.

This love is not a rainbow or a gift from the stars above or a field of candy canes or a refreshing summer’s rain. This love is tangible – grounded in reality. Bryan and Elissa can no longer bear to imagine their lives without each other, not because they’re shrouded in an illusion of what could be, or infatuated with hopes. This love is an inescapable reality; the reality that they will no longer go home without the comfort that someone will be there with a warm smile and open mind. The reality that there will always be someone there for support, making even the bad times have something and someone worth smiling for. The reality that their life together right now is truly wonderful – it’s everything they ever wanted-and they completely believe in the ability for it to last for the rest of their lives.

The Pronouncement

Bryan and Elissa, you are here, in the presence of your family and friends to be joined together in marriage. This is a commitment of great faith; a promise that binds you in a relationship of love, faith, and hope; excluding all others. It is your vow to be the best you can be, not only for your partner, but for yourself, because your relationship will grow as you do, and your love will sustain you with bread for the longest journey.

Kenneth Rexroth, in his elegant book, “100 poems from the Japanese”, writes:

“I have always known that at last I would
take this road, but yesterday
I did not know it would be today.”

In many ways, the unfolding of this relationship was, and is, like so many of those todays; the realization that the road has always been there; finding the companion is the glorious and joyful unknown.

As Elissa and Bryan take their vows, please take a moment to infuse this space with your hopes and wishes for this couple. Your kind thoughts will follow them through their life together. They will be reminded of your love and support every time they catch a glimpse of their wedding rings, and how their lives have been transformed and blessed by each of you in your own way.

The Asking

Celebrant to the Bride;

Elissa,

Do you take Bryan to be your wedded husband?

Will you love and respect her, be honest with her,

And stand joyfully beside her, in whatever the future may bring? (I do)

Celebrant to the Groom:

Bryan

Do you take Elissa to be your wedded wife?

Will you love and respect her, be honest with her,

And stand joyfully beside her, in whatever the future may bring? ( I do)

Vows

Celebrant to Bryan:

Repeat after me;

I, Bryan, take you Elissa, to be my friend and my partner

To laugh loudly and to cry softly ; to work and to play/; to create a life together that cannot be imagined separately.

I vow to be your strength and your sanctuary, as long we shall live.

Celebrant to Elissa:

I, Elissa, take you Bryan, /to be my friend and my partner

To laugh loudly and to cry softly; to work and to play; to create a life together /that cannot be imagined separately.

I vow to be your strength and your sanctuary,/ as long as we shall live.

Ring Vows

May I have the rings please?

Rings are an ancient symbol, blessed and simple, like the words of that Eskimo love song. They are round like the sun, like the eye, like arms that embrace. Circles, for love that is given comes back round again and again. Therefore may these symbols remind you that your love, like the sun, illuminates, that your love, like the eye, must see clearly. And that your love, like arms that embrace, is a grace upon this world.

Now I ask Bryan will you take the ring and place it on the fourth finger Elissa’s left hand, and repeat after me…

Elissa, this ring I give you is my personal gift,

My personal promise of love, friendship, commitment

and pride that you are my wife.

It is a symbol of the trust we have together

and the beauty and strength we will find in each other.

“May my heart be your shelter, and my arms be your home”

Celebrant: Now I ask Elissa, will you take the ring and place it on the fourth finger Bryan’s left hand, and repeat after me…

Bryan, this ring I give you is my personal gift,

My personal promise of love, friendship, commitment

and pride that you are my husband.

It is a symbol of the trust we have together

and the beauty and strength we will find in each other.

“May my heart be your shelter, and my arms be your home”

Chocolate Sharing

Sometimes, at this point in a wedding ceremony, we might light a unity candle, or pour different colors of sand into a family vessel, but since Elissa and Bryan are such a unique couple, we wanted to celebrate this moment of sharing in a completely unique way. With two delightful pieces of dark chocolate.

Chocolate is a delightful metaphor for love and life!

The possible flavors and textures of chocolate are endless. Each truffle, each sliver, or kiss promises the discovery of new treat for the palette. For a chocolate lover, navigating the world of chocolate is as exciting as a lone explorer discovering new and uncharted territory. So too, should be your relationship with each other. Your uncharted territory is the coming years that lie ahead, years that will present so many opportunities to learn and grow, to challenge each other and comfort each other, to revel in the new and find comfort in your history, a history you create every minute of every day.

Your life together will certainly mirror the experience of tasting chocolate. There will be times that are sweet, filled with cream and honey, and times that are dark and bittersweet. And probably some times that are really nutty! But every experience will nourish your body, heart and soul. By sharing this chocolate with each other, you promise to always be present for each other, in darkness and light, in sweet and bitter, in dismal and delicious.”

In this circle of community, in this embrace of spirit, Elissa and Bryan have created a union marked by taking vows and exchanging rings. They have declared that they trust each other’s kind intentions. They have promised that they will work to preserve this precious gift: to place that gift above everything else. As a civil celebrant, authorized by the state of New Jersey, it is my honor and my JOY!!!! to pronounce you partners and family. You may kiss each other!

Pronouncement

In this circle of community, in this embrace of spirit, Bryan and Elissa have created a union marked by taking vows and exchanging rings. They have declared that they trust each other’s kind intentions. They have recognized that they complement each other, and promised that they will work to preserve this precious gift :to place that gift above everything else. As a civil celebrant, authorized by the state of New Jersey, It is my honor and my joy to pronounce you husband and wife, partners and family. You may kiss each other!!!

Bryan and Elissa, you entered this ceremonial space as individuals, and now, you leave as a couple, bound gently, but fervently,

by your love, your promises, and the wishes of your community. Here our ceremony ends; welcome to the rest of your life!

I went to the Grand Marquis this morning and dropped off stuff and then realized I had forgotten the pens for the guestbook at the apartment and the other half of the favors at my parents’ house. The tree for the escort card table has lost about 15 branches by now and I ripped the cardbox :( Yes, but I fixed it! … Kinda.

There will probably not be any ceremony programs because I don’t have time to get them printed and I really don’t want to bother with them anyway.

On that note, I’d like to thank some people who I would have thanked in the programs.

Well, first our parents, because, you know, they paid for almost everything. Especially my mommy who had to put up with crazy wedding Lissy the past year, visiting venues, countless dress shops, gluing invitations, making labels, all the while being yelled at by me. And my daddy who also helped with the invitations and the favors. Yay mommy and daddy!

Then there’s Rachie who managed to find time to do her MOH duties while doing her grad school thing. Yay Rachie!

Carolyn for playing the flute during the ceremony, Cara for singing and Helen for doing a reading :)

Krissy for taking lots of pictures and Cheryl for doing everything she can to help even though she’s so far.

Brian, Geoff, Chris and Andrew for getting measured for your tuxes, thereby allowing me to sleep at night.

Julia for being the only coworker to come to the shower and helping me with the cardbox :)

Maryam for having to hear about my wedding EVERY SINGLE DAY she was in the office with me.

All of our vendors, especially Erica who did a beautiful job on our flowers.

And, of course, our guests who will be there celebrating the day with us! And those who can’t make, but will be there in spirit and watch the DVD after ;) We love you all!

You can’t tell by the pictures, but I swear there were other people there besides me.

And after it all came down…

There are a few places in Garden State that sell them for prom, but I haven’t gone and probably wouldn’t be able to go for weeks, and that would be too late.

So I did a google search. I found a lady nearby that sold them, by appointment only. She’s Mary McFarland of Frills Limited, 169 Main Street, Matawan. Very sweet lady. She spent an hour with me trying on tiara’s with my veil. Her tiara’s are nicer than what I was originally going to get and therefor, more expensive, but still a good price for the quality. I needed to buy it today since she’s going on vacation for two weeks and I don’t know when my hair trial will be. But I doubt I could have improved upon this little thing. It’s like it was made to fit my head. And apparently Einstein’s too.

After the ceremony, guests will head into the next room for cocktail hour.

Cocktail Hour

• Passed Hor d’oeuvres
• Cold Display: smoked salmon, fruit, cheese, antipasto, veggies, salad
• Hot Antipasto: eggplant rollatini, fried calamari, stuffed mushroom caps, chicken murphy
• Latin: paella, tostones, ropa vieja, fried plantains
• Mongolian Wok Station
• Southwestern Station: quesadillas grilled to order

First Course

• Salad Duet Course: baby field greens with fanned poached pear, goat cheese wontons, candied walnuts, and dried cranberries

Tableside Choice of Entree

• Chateaubriand with Cabernet Demi Glace
• Lemon and Herb Encrusted French Cut of Chicken
• Salmon Roulade with Julienne of Roasted Vegetables
• Vegetarian meal: Pasta primavera
• Children’s meal: Chicken fingers

Let us know ahead of time if you would like the vegetarian meal, children’s meal, or have other dietary restrictions.

Dessert!

• Wedding Cake: Vanilla cake with strawberries and vanilla custard filling and butter cream icing
• Chocolate Molten Cake with ice cream